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  -- To the trader, go the spoils. Shawn's excited he traded a Partridge Family board game for N'SYNC bobbles. July 13, 2003 - Losing, Both TRASHy and Gambley Four Of A Kind And Other Overrated Things After Saturday's play, we were the lowest seed left standing at #8. The playoffs, based on necessity of hotel checkout time, would be a simple affair -- eight teams, three rounds, winner crowned, moderate rejoicing. There was a slight glitch when a majority of one of the teams -- the Fogeys -- was forced to leave Vegas early, but that didn't change anything for us.
As the #8 seed, we were assigned the glorious task of facing the top-seeded and undefeated Below Average White Band. Conveniently the three members of BAWB that I know all have Web sites, so when I say Craig Barker, Dwight Kidder and Mike Burger, you can click on their names and see why I set the game's pointspread at 175 before things began.
Really, the fact that it was an IHOP sketchy by IHOP standards couldn't have helped.
BAWB, with their fourth Webless member Dave Wallace, went on to win Viva TRASH Vegas, for which they deserve congratulations. We, on the other hand, left so I could start helping the Clark County economy. You'll notice I haven't really done much gambling up until now ... yeah, I should have stuck to that. We took a ride with our teammates back to their hotel, allowing us to start another big swath of the Strip that even we weren't crazy enough to just walk to from MGM.  Money Lost on Premises: None Bally's is where you stay if you like gambling. Not restaurants, not fountains, not shows, not nice hotel rooms. You go to Bally's if you enjoy gambling, because at Bally's, they try their hardest to make sure nothing gets in the way of the gambling. They bill themselves as "Real. Live. Las Vegas." They're hired the voice-over guy from Limp Bizkit's Rollin' to say old Vegas-y things like "Hit the music, maestro!" and talk about it having the best showgirl show in the city. The floor is all casino ... apparently they're fine with leaving the froo-froo to their neighbors at Paris. We were going to stay here and didn't, and since we didn't gamble there, all I can say is it has a very long outdoor airwalk. And the voice over guy from Limp Bizkit's Rollin' trying to channel his Dean Martin.  Money Lost on Premises: None Caesar's Palace is now Celine's Palace. You learn this as soon as you enter the city -- above the escalator to the baggage claim at McCarran is a giant ten-foot wide ad for her show, "A New Day." Fortunately her face wasn't put in the ad, since it would have given me an aneurysm and sent me tumbling down the stair. That ad is repeated everywhere across the Caesar's complex, which seemingly attempting to actually become bigger than Rome itself. They're currently building a large addition to their Forum Shops, the most accessible of the large indoor fake-skied malls. It has the unique distinction of having shops people actually enter.  -- Such as a Trojan Horse of colored gears and monkeys and the Cheesecake Factory in Atlantis. Of course, there does need to be brand extension if you're going to end up netting actual shoppers. That's probably why of the top eight CDs in the Virgin Top Forty, three of them are by ... Celine Dion. Probably why they have an entire shop devoted to kitschy crap like neon gas signs and posters of movies and bands, the kind of shop where a fake Elvis croons because he can. And why would anyone spend money on such things? Because they'd won after being compelled to gamble by the 'Field of Dreams' sports memorabilia shop, featuring both autographed photos of Bucky 'F&$%ing' Dent, and a 'Curse of the Bambino' presentation containing a pic of the Babe as a Red Sox and a copy of his sale paper to the Yankees. Personally, I blame Celine Dion.  Money Lost on Premises: Pink That's the story and they're sticking to it. Pink. Be tropical, be sunny, be festive and be Miami Vice-like, but above all, be pink. It's what they do. All the windows? Tinted pink. The fake rocks boiling in the summer sun, to the point of causing flash burns? A bit of a pinkish twinge. Maybe that's why the penguins are so striking, in their black and white suits. Well, that or the fact that they're African penguins, so they can be outside in 110 degree weather.
 Money Lost on Premises: None Ever wonder what it would've been like if they built a casino in an evil genius's mountaintop lair? Think no more! From the dark escalator ride up from the Strip in a mirrored hallway to being dumped out well up the road by the car park, you'll feel like all the time you spent in the Imperial Palace was spent in a far-off cavern, attempting to fight off Bruce Lee, or be Bruce Lee, or whatever. Vacation spots aren't generally supposed to make a person feel uncomfortable, yet (almost) the Imperial Palace's entire complex manages to do just that. It's oppressively dark, there's no clear way of how to get out, the ceilings are low and it's dark. It's like what would happen if you built a casino in your basement, and told all your friends that whomever lost the most money in it would be murdered in their sleep.
Which is what's so amazing about The Auto Collections. The world's largest classic car showroom, it's essentially a clearing house. People who want to sell or display their old cars bring them here, to the top level of this parking garage, and people can come view them even if they're not looking to buy. I'm not that much of a car buff, but it's an excellent display. No glitz, no glamour, just cars and a gift shop.  I just wonder if they're part of a whole evil genius plot to control the weather.  Money Lost on Premises: Negative $12! Casino Royale is another bargain hole on the Strip, along with the place you go if you want Outback Steakhouse and don't feel like driving back to California. However, it's dark cheapness would prove the gambling highlight of the trip, as my third three-of-a-kind off the initial video poker deal would finally yield the fourth and the big prize.
 Money Lost on Premises: None To go from some place like Royale into the Venetian, which may be nicer than Bellagio, is quite a trip. It's obvious what the whole place is modeled around, and they seem to ignore the fact that the actual city of Venice isn't exactly the cleanest place in the world.
 -- Mmmm ... Renaissancy. The main reason for going to The Venetian is the Krispy Kreme doughnuts. But if you're not into doughnuts, or spell them "donuts," there's the Guggenheim Hermitage, which brings some of the art from the collection out to Vegas. We were there for the American Pop Icons exhibit, which had a few of the works of Jasper Johns, Roy Liechtenstein, Andy Warhol, Robert Rauschenberg and the link on display. Having always enjoyed pop art, and long been fascinated by Liechtenstein's stuff, I was only left wishing there was more of it. And that the stupid posters from the show weren't so much money.
That was it for the daytime. Click here for how we spent the evening. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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AOL IM: JonCoochBU |
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