AndiTitle: Midwestern Representative
• Second only to David Letterman as the greatest thing Indiana has ever given the world. Yes she rioted with her classmates for Bobby Knight, but I'm sure it was only so she could write about it later, get published in the Indianapolis Star, and thus have something else to hold over my head. |
CharlieTitle: CompuWhiz
• In the fifth grade, I once poured milk in Charlie's lemon pudding at lunch. He told the teacher on duty and I had to buy him another pudding. Despite these ominous beginnings, Charlie is my supposed lover in the "Cooch is Gay" rumor mill and founding member of the Fox News Channel Fan Club. |
JimTitle: Liaison to the South
• He's a Cock, not a Trojan. Since puking in my kitchen when we were 5, he's introduced me to Midori and Cubans, allows me to out-volley him now and again, and taught me never to leave keys in the ignition of an unlocked vehicle. (Sorry buddy, I had to...) The finest server I've ever known. |
AmitTitle: Leader of the BC Fan Club
• Despite loving the hapless Celtics, slightly less hapless Patriots, and (unfortunately) non-hapless BC Eagles, he's the only guy I know who will do the Dumb and Dumber dance with me whenever the occasion calls for it. On the courts, his outside shot is shockingly lethal, as I found out. |
Todd(is)Title: The (Former) King of Apathy
• As a wee Cooch, Todd and I played in-town basketball together. His hair was poofier then. He now goes to Fitchburg State, a school that I swear I'll go visit him at before I become too senile to remember I ever promised it in the first place. Should you frequent Six Flags, go sample his 'Perfect Pour.' |
MegTitle: Evil Fruit Pie
• Once dragged to a BUCB meeting, she's been too lazy to drag herself away. The first native Californian I've ever known, she frequently preaches why her coast is the dominant one. Course she's also stood in Kenmore Square with me at 3 AM while I yelled at a bus to keep myself amused. |
GeoffTitle: Captain Technology
• Geoff's apartment at Northeastern presumably violates every fire code the city of Boston has ever had, considered having, or deemed unnecessary. He's the proudest Husky I know, faithfully leading a pep band that, let's be honest, plays for teams not worthy of all that much pep. |
JustinTitle: Mr. Gorman, Substitute Teach
• The fact that Justin is let near impressionable children is spooky enough, but nothing compared to the unhealthy DMB obsession he's nursing. Nevertheless, when my radio career takes off after the print media rejects me, he'll be my co-host without a doubt. Ask him about College Park. |
ErinTitle: The Girl Lacking a Title
• Frequent skipper of high school journalism conferences, Erin now collects water bottles in the back seat of her car. The above picture is from my senior semi-formal, which she went to with me despite my asking her over Instant Messenger. By 10 o'clock, we'd left and were eating at Taco Bell. |
LisaTitle: Ghost Train Girl
• The only girl I've ever known who, when in danger, called me for protection. On purpose. Yeah, I don't get it either. In a dead heat with Lonnie for biggest fan of my writing, she's also the only girl who's nickname has the word 'Chunky' in it and isn't in a mad dash to lose weight. I respect that. |
LonnieTitle: Official Cheerleader
• So hot that Worcester Polytech couldn't put her in their promotional materials enough. Though I suppose her impending career in rocket science didn't hurt either. Then again, with WPI's guy:girl ratio at around 96:4, the competition couldn't have been all that fierce... |
Jen McGuireTitle: Short Stuff
• Has the most intimidating stare ever to come from anyone so sweet and so kind. If you lost focus for a minute, you might actually think she would try to hurt you. No matter what she tells you, I did not tie her tent closed the time the gang all went camping in Rhode Island. I held the flashlight. |
AmandaTitle: Psycho's Friend
• The only girl I've ever picked up barefoot on the side of the road... don't ask. If the relationship with you know who is a black storm cloud, Amanda has always been the silver lining. It's a pity our Summer House employments never crossed, we'd have made a hell of a team. |
MarioTitle: Connection to the Mob
• Introduced us all to the wonderful world of go kart racing, undoubtably after not hanging out with us four nights in a row. He like the fancy things, the sushi and the cigars and the billiards, which all seem to fit well with his, um, distinguished relatives. Has a very nice pair of prescription sunglasses. |
Jenn SmistTitle: Express Girl
• In the eighth grade, frequent called me "Expansion Boy" due to my attraction to newly formed sports franchises. All while walking around in a New York Rangers shirt. We followed each other to BU, where we don't see enough of each other. That's me talking... she's ran off to London to get away. |
ErikTitle: Sir
• Perhaps the finest man I've ever met. He dealt well filling my shoes as 'As Schools Match Wits' captain; his team didn't win the silver bowl either. A winner of around eleventeen AcaDec medals, Sunny will someday carry a gun and badge... and undoubtably give me my first speeding ticket. |
JayTitle: The Serial Killer
• Author of what I consider the greatest senior caption in recorded history. When we were cooking class partners in seventh grade, Jay forgot to put the yeast in the cake, meaning we baked a chocolate puck. I've always found this very ironic, since his last name is Cook. |
EricTitle: Worst Driver Ever
• One of the original four 'Loop' members with Daryl and Geoff, Eric is wiry. Wiry like a bastard. You look at him and you think, "I can take that guy," and then he embarasses you in front of all your friends. He's never done this to me, no, but that's because I'm smart enough not to piss him off. |
Jen NiedzielaTitle: Spaz
• Has lived in 36 different Western Mass. communities in the last three weeks, or at least it seems that way. One of only three posse members smart enough to take me up on the "free vacation in Atlanta" offer. CNN Center inspired her to work harder. It inspired me to buy a t-shirt. To each their own. |
Jen Z.Title: Ecuadorian Beauty Queen
• With Jen, there never is a dull moment. The 48-60 Hours of Hell aside, she is best known for her skill behind the wheel of Noah's Ark. Though the Parisienne has now passed on to the junkyard in the sky, it will never be forgotten. She showed me the wonders of D-Tower, and I'll be forever grateful. |
JustinTitle: The Good Roomie
• Justin restored my faith in the housing lottery, and possibly the human race. The fastest broomball player I've ever seen, his PS2 skills are only dwarfed by his ability to eat six dinners a night and still weigh 80 pounds. Didn't drink before meeting me... surprise surprise, he does now. |
WhiteyTitle: Muhli... Mueh... Mule Boy
• It's spelled Muehlenberg, it's in Allentown, PA, and it beat the hell out of going to a school called Sarah Washington. I could dedicate a whole page to stupid things we've done over the years, or just discreetly mention the ceiling fan incident. If I'm Conan O'Brien, he's my Andy Richter. Cardiff anyone? |
BrianTitle: He of the Finicky Diet
• Chicken patties are good, but you really gotta expand your horizons. I know it's none of my business, but put some ketchup on your burger for crying out loud! What are you, a fu*%ing commie or something? All jokes aside, Brian's got the kind of basement sitcoms are based around. |
ElmerTitle: Confused
• Should the stress ever kill me, Elmer takes command. If the BC fans at Beanpot '00 had killed both of us, chaos would have ensued in the College Bowl world. If we really had told Chancellor Silber to shut the hell up later that same night, BUCB would have been the least of our problems. |
AnnaTitle: Sandal Connisseur
• "Stewing, you mean like getting angry or making soup?" "Yeah, I ask for torture all the time." "My feet are awesome." These are all quotes, from the girl who has 13 pairs of sandals. Nevertheless, she's in Commonwealth College, and proves good things can come from Greenfield. |
BillTitle: The Future of DFP News
• The screenwriter who coined the slur "cuntmuppet" has weaseled his way on to the Free Press fast track. A few years busting heads down at Lake Compounce has this Connecticut aristocrat ready for the call-up to Agawam. Please explain to me how that goatee can be on such a lady killer. |
ReneeTitle: Rep to the National Board
• While Whitey and I were busy goofing off, a girl I'd never met was making Operation Freindship tick. After three weeks of drinking nothing but 'water' in Edinburgh, she began the five year plan at NU and the rest is history. No, they do the five year plan on purpose. They all do. I don't get it either. |
VitoTitle: Head Liquafood Chef
• Madonna's biggest fan, the longtime dictator of BU's Danielsen Hall is the only WTBU DJ to ever purposely let me on his show. Another ex-roomie of J. Lillis, he used to use my cam to make sure Justin wasn't around when he came to visit. Glad someone found something practical to do with it. |
Jon ReaTitle: Mr. Overly Chivalrous
• Forever in College Bowl lore for declaring "Job is a mack daddy pimp," Rea has found many ways to endear himself to us not behind a buzzer. Like that time he snorted sugar for all the change in my pocket. Or when the guys at the ghetto tennis courts laughed at his cell phone. Umm... just trust me. |
Matty CoochTitle: Little Cooch or Cooch Jr.
• Should have been on since the start, but nepotism fears kept him off. Having to live in my shadow for 17 years could kill a weaker man, but Matt managed to forge his own trail. He sings, he dances, he draws standing ovations, he's smooth with the ladies. Wish the bastard could teach me how to do that... |
CoenTitle: Wizened Elder
• When I walked into my first BUCB meeting, this man was the only one there to greet me -- chin's a little less angular now and that voice bubble cleared right up. In the early years, Coen was probably my best friend at this university. Given he's eleven years my senior, he must have loved that. |
Matt BruceTitle: Crack Baby
• Matt once attempted to put his head through a window. He once answered a CB question on pecan pie with crack. He's also a Harvard and BU Law School graduate. Yeah, diplomas are overrated, don't you think? That said, hope his next visit from San Fran comes sooner rather than later. |
ErinTitle: Girl Who Could Kill Me
• Erin is Meg's best pal from California. She now goes to West Point, and let me just say, this picture does not begin to do her justice. From what I gather she likes me, though if she heard what I said after I was told the "three hours of Dance Dance Revolution" story, it might get messy. |
Allyson & MattTitle: Couple Of The Year
• They get a single entry, because I have no other pictures. There's never been a time I've known them when they weren't together, so the marriage seemed a technicality. They'll forever be the first couple of BUCB, if only because their latest TRASH trophy sits on their mantle: plastic fish, glued to gold plate. |
JulieTitle: Actual UMass Hockey Fan
• I know it's hard to fathom, but I swear it's true. Maybe it's growing up in the back woods, maybe it's the water, I don't know. She seems amazingly intelligent too, really on the ball, knows what she wants to do ... but cheering for the UMass hockey team is like cheering for termites to eat a whole house. |
AlisonTitle: Official Crazy Person
• She moved from San Diego to Somerville, knowing no one, like it was the most normal thing in the world. She works in the mental health field, frequently visiting with sex offenders and the disabled. And if that's not enough, she's turned Todd into a mushy, lovable beast. Yeah, she's freakin' nuts. |
AprilTitle: Brian's Sister
• It would be easy to joke that the group has existed so long we're picking up siblings, but why do that when I can instead point out that this BC student once made an entire Web page devoted to noted girl group Hanson? I'm sure this won't make the cut when she starts making millions as a film director. |
StephTitle: Ms. Well Beyond Bitter
• Steph just kind of started showing up at activities around Agawam, and as the group is wont to do, she was accepted and we all moved on. A good friend of Jen P. first, she's pretty much her yang. Whereas Jen is often sweet and sometimes angry, Steph has threatened all of our lives at least twice. Four for me. |
Jen P.Title: Lead Jen
• Jen first came to prominence, at least to me, because her brother has a gigantic head. We're talking Sputnik, people. This really has nothing to do with Jen, who is a very sweet girl who works no less than four jobs in any one week, but it's just a point I really wanted to see in print. I must fear the dog. |
