August 31, 2001 - Last Rites
• When Nomar went on the DL, I said the only chance the Sox had left is if they win 5 of the remaining 7 games against the Yankees head-to-head.

Thank you, Joe Kerrigan, Derek Lowe and Troy O'Leary. May you sleep well before Red Sox Nation throws your beaten bodies in the Harbor.
August 17 - 30, 2001 - The Trip
• 3,600 miles plus, from North Hollywood, California, to Ogunquit, Maine. We both survived. Look for the full update, minus pictures, tomorrow.
August 16, 2001 - ...It Ends
• As promised...

Top 10 Things I Learned as the Copy Intern at The Telegraph
10. That four years after I stopped playing competitive basketball, I'm still incapable of covering the post.
9. Despite the videos being clearly staged and no more physical violence, little goes better with cereal than Jerry Springer.
8. If you can learn to love stale rolls, luncheon meats and nectarines, it is possible to live off $20 food money a week.
7. The AP Photo Wire is the world's greatest source for computer wallpaper.
6. Never underestimate the value of having your own desk.
5. Dear Abby is an moron and Philip Alder is way too damn excited about triple-jack singletons.
4. Certain news editors don't properly appreciate 300 yard drives hit with a 3 wood.
3. Getting out of work at one in the morning doesn't seem strange to friends when they know you spent the last two summers going in to work at five in the morning.
2. Sherm's affinity for animal attack stories is only made more disturbing because he has a pun ready for every one of them.
And the biggest thing I learned?
1. There's no better feeling than discovering where your new city's ghetto is... and realizing you live right in the middle of it.

Some of the above will only make sense to those who actually work at The Telegraph. In those cases, I highly advise those of you who don't to ask for clarification or, quote, "shut up and deal."

As Dad is en route to assist with the move out. I'll shut up now. Until I return, here's hoping this can tide you over.
August 15, 2001 - And So...
• The last night in Nashua. Gonna be brief:
* No Internet at work tonight, along with no pages for me to do except for Sunday's Login. The longest 8 hour shift of my summer.

* Got whaled in the face with a basketball after work, had glasses skitter to asphalt twice and completed a winless streak for the summer. Needless to say, tonight will not go on the highlight reel.

Tomorrow, the office is celebrating my last day with a pizza party. No, not like celebrating that I'm leaving, at least I hope not. Anyway, I will unveil to them my Top 10 Things I Learned as the Copy Intern at The Telegraph. Tomorrow's last post from Nashua - how scary is that - will include it as well. Get your hankies folks, it'll be a tearjerker.
August 14, 2001 - It's Nice to Wake Up Not Sweating
Today was the final...
* time my purchasing a Nashua Pride fitted cap will spur the team to victory over the Camden Riversharks.

Speaking of the Pride and their store at 100 Main, I must say I was soundly disappointed. I understand it's a away-from-the-stadium gift shop for an independent minor league team in southern New Hampshire. That said, they could have gotten so much more of my money. All their golf shirts were size small, and I'm not gonna be wearing one of those unless I hack out my ribcage. I might even have bought a jersey, had there been one to buy. The hat selection was spectacular though, thus leading to a difficult decision. I'm quite pleased.

Hopefully I can get the cam software to work again, so you can see my "Bye Bye Nashua!" shot. I know you're all on the edge of your seats for that one!

It's amazing how getting a $167 paycheck is so exciting when you don't have to pay 70% of it to rent.

I had much more to say, but I don't remember what it was. Now, to go fix all the pages on here so they're the right width. The things I do for you people!
August 13, 2001 - I Bought Funyuns All By Myself
Today was the final...
* day I will eat food that was not mine out of the work refridgerator. It was a piece of pizza that really may not have been fair game, but when something's in there for over a week and goes untouched, you're asking for trouble if you think it's gonna stay there.

I did not buy a Pride hat today, because there's nowhere to park downtown. The Pride lost 17-5 tonight in Camden, N.J. - a fact a fully attribute to my not buying a hat yet. Look for a walking expedition tomorrow, which will lead to a webcam picture that actually shows up.

You'd be amazed how much better one's kitchen smells when it's in the 60s, as opposed to the 90s. Vaguely tortilla-ish tonight.

Night driving is so relaxing to me. I write these right after I come home from work, i.e. drive in the night on the streets of Hudson/South Nashua/ghetto Nashua. It puts my mind at ease, makes me nostalgic, thus creating the easy-flowing prose you see here, as opposed to what would spring forth if you caught me in the afternoon Sun, as I scrambled to fix the BUCB page before my vacation. That would just be scary.

(Yeah, today's entry sucked. The only other thing that happened of significance was that I had extreme amounts of gas, due to having a dinner of celery, green peppers, a nectarine and a plum. So quit your bitching, the Funyuns and I have to watch Raw.)
August 10-12, 2001 - The Countdown Begins
Today was the final...
* Feeding Hills to Nashua drive - traffic was tough and it was wet, took nearly two hours.
* time I'll ever drive on the lawn at The Telegraph merely to amuse myself. Any other times in the future will be for other purposes - Mom, relax. This was the first time I drove on the lawn.

Until yesterday, the only movie sequel I'd ever seen that eclipsed the original was Austin Powers 2. Both were excellent movies, but AuPo2 had the slight edge. It both played off the jokes of the original, while having some original humor to it. Well, it now has some company. If you didn't like or didn't see "American Pie," for the love of God don't bother seeing American Pie 2 until you rectify that situation. The second movie just builds so well off the first one, without just being stupid about it. I can't really say much else, since I'm not gonna give away the end, but the glue scene would have been so much better if it wasn't all over the commercials. However, I fear if they make an "American Pie 3." It can't work.

16 of us went to see it after the bash on Saturday, which was much better than I had planned. As it ended up, most people made it, got to say my goodbyes to Amanda, play a good deal of volleyball and didn't have anyone vomit on the concrete JIM. And after the movie, all of us just standing in the parking lot, essentially saying our goodbyes for the summer and, given my graduating in May, possibly something more final... I won't get into it now. If I'm gonna get this serious, I want to have some time to think.

Four days left and more tributes to go. Tomorrow, getting a Pride hat.
August 9, 2001 - Nothing Makes Sense Anymore
• So I come home tonight, and the air conditioner is on. After all the ranting, the private bitching, the full explanation finally coming as to the mystery of the air conditioner, the entire story does a 180 on itself. So of course, with the kitchen at a wonderful 55 degrees, the closer door - open window in my room made it about 265 degrees in there. I can't win. :)

It's been a very strange night. All evening at work, I planned on finishing up there, packing some things in the car when I got home and driving to F.H. now. All night, I was just in this "nothing to do, boredom, pissed off" funk, which I tried to break by throwing another contribution up on the Gerbil. Then as I was driving home, on Route 3A just like always, it struck me.

I have one week left at The Telegraph, and then, to be quite honest, I may never be back here again.

I mean, it's not like I've hated my time here, and I'm glad to be rid of it. Just the opposite. I've loved it here, after a little time to get adjusted. This has been one of the most outstanding things I've ever done, and when I finish up next Thursday, it's going to be very tough to hand in my key card and blow down Executive Drive for the final time.

I regret never having gone to Holman to see a Nashua Pride game, but with me almost always working when they play, there really wasn't much I could do. Everything here has just gone so well over the past few months, it's flown by. I took a little drive tonight, round the streets I didn't see much of this summer. I still need to go the Pheasant Lane Mall, get a Pride hat (if not more), go to Greeley Park, all the kinds of things people try to fit into the last week of a vacation.

And now, I'm gonna start packing the car, for the pre-move out. A chapter is closing, leading an another chapter opening back on Mountfort Street this fall. You all know the emotions and such I'm talking about, I just can't find the words.
August 8, 2001 - Washing
• It's a two shower kind of day. Truth be told, it's about a 17 shower kind of day, when you factor in the heat and the number of people who have probably sat in this chair before me. They could have been greasy, foreign, hairy - hell, they could have been all those things. I'm so glad I'm thinking of this now.

For the first time in months, there looks to be two movies in theaters I actually want to see: Rat Race and American Pie 2. The last thing I saw was Shrek, which was very good. It had all the dirty jokes, but hid them from the kiddies. Doesn't get any better than that.

Speaking of doesn't get any better, The Kids in the Hall. Consider today's rant a preview to CoochDorsements, coming soon to a Cooch's World near you.

And consider me officially through with NetZero, after the miserable dirtbags failed to send an e-mail about Saturday's party like my Outlook said they did. I wrote it, hit send, said it was sent. A big fuck you goes out to them.
August 7, 2001 - Freakin' Ludicrosity
Today's Ludicrous World News Item: In Baghdad, Iraq, Saddam's stomping grounds, the high temperature was 126 degrees. Seriously, not counting anything but air temperature, 126 degrees. Thus proving Hussein really is Satan.

Today's Ludicrous Local News Item: I was told today why the air conditioner in the kitchen has the cord stuffed inside the unit and is not able to be used. "The landlords really don't like it when they get used, because they run so much electricity." Well fucking gee, you know what I really don't like? COMING HOME FROM WORK AND HAVING IT BE 126 DEGREES IN MY BEDROOM. Know what else? PAYING OVERBLOWN RENT TO LIVE IN THE GHETTO AND SIT IN A DAMN BLAST FURNACE.

Seven more days at the Telegraph. Speaking of the paper, the four of you must be dying to know about the Desk Open, which was played in 92 degree Nashua/Hudson goodness today on the Prairie Course at Green Meadow Golf Club. I won with a 12-over 82 (42-40), featuring me going 0 for 8 on birdie putts. News editor Matt had 89 (49-40), News assistant Josh had 98 (51-47), and Deidre and Jocelin, never having played 18 holes before, topped 120.

My dignity is recovered, if only for a few fleeting moments. Eight pars, no birdies or not, will do that to a golfer.
August 6, 2001 - MTV's 20, and Nobody Cares.
• If I was being held hostage at gunpoint, forced to watch MTV's Say What? Karaoke hosted by Teck, the mentally-retarded gentleman from Real World: Hawaii, I can't help but think I'd pull the trigger myself.

Over the weekend, with it being the network's 20th birthday, they were reminiscing about happier times, when they still aired Real World: London and Beavis and Butthead. I liked MTV when I was a kid, and you want to know why? They showed real, authentic music videos. All the way to the end! I'm serious! It was a golden age!

Music videos are like four minutes long. Do they really need to be edited shorter? Just imagine all the work DJ Creamy Little Lethal Bow-Wow Jiggy put into all those visuals. How can they deny his cinematic dreams like that? So cruel.

Tomorrow, 10 a.m., Green Meadow's Prairie Course in Hudson. Desk Open. Full results coming. Unless, of course, if I lose.
August 4-5, 2001 - Energy? Gone.
• I really don't feel like updating this, because Meg and games of Mario Golf kept me up past 5:00 a.m. But because Andi reads these everyday in futile hopes to be entertained, I'll try. Because you, all 4 of you who are reading this right now, are sitting there demanding satisfaction. And you know what they said on The Simpsons: "Honk if you demand satisfaction." - a bumper sticker neither Sunny or I have ever found.

I saw Caddyshack from beginning to end on Saturday, and I don't think I ever fully realized how many lines from my everyday language came from that movie. Course I ripped most of them off of SportsCenter.

I'm sorry. No funny tonight. I need to go to bed. Not even now, like ten minutes ago.
August 3, 2001 - Mmm... Shroud

I had a pissed off shroud over me tonight, and other than the Sox, I honestly can't pinpoint why. The plus side to this was the razor-sharp wit came out to play in the office, leading to much hilarity. Course I was constantly reminding myself, "You are at work with professionals, and you are the intern. You might not want to call anybody a retard straightaway." Course none of my co-workers are retards, so it works out quite conveniently.

Non-Red Sox Sports Bite: Celtic 4 - 3 Manchester United: At Old Trafford. Nothin' says lovin' like Pillsbury Crescent Rolls and SCOTS KICKIN' SOME ASS.

I'm very sweary tonight, apologies to the kids and faint of heart. And mom.
August 2, 2001 - Scaring Telemarketers
• For the third straight morning, I got a call from the Manchester Union Leader offering me free newspapers. See, because I'm new to the area, and they fine folks in Manchester would like to welcome me to the area with their rainbow-colored rag! ISN'T THAT SWEET OF THEM?!

Me: "Hello?"
Telemarketer Lady: "Hi, is this Jonathan?"
Me: "Yes..."
T.L.: "Hi, I'm calling from The Union Leader! Have we called you yet today?"
Me: "No, but you don't need to call me anymore. I'm going to be moving back out of the area soon."
T.L.: "Really? Where are you moving to?"
Me: "Back to Boston for school. I was only up here for the summer to intern at The Telegraph."
T.L.: "Oh."

I guess they don't like competition. Go figure.
August 1, 2001 - NASCAR's Meat? A Little Bland.
• This week's grocery bill? $13.45! Seems I'm developing a knack at the grocery store after all these weeks. Having a large stash of bagels and ground turkey helps too. For those of you scoring at home, Perdue Ground Breast of Turkey is "The Choice of NASCAR." Ain't no one who knows turkey like NASCAR, I tell you what.

The kitchen / foyer of 116 Vine, Apartment 1, has a stench sweeter than death, yet ranker than potpourri. I can't pinpoint it, though I suspect it's coming from the disposal. Why? Because I haven't ever used it and thus have never cleaned it. I think I'm gonna let it ride, since move out is in, count them, 16 days.

Today was not all peaches and turkey, though. Driving home tonight, after coming ever so close to winning that first b'ball series - 11-9, 9-11, 2-11 - I got that lonely, gnawing pain in the gut. I want to say I don't know why it's happening, but I do.

Part of it does have to do with the Red Sox though, I can promise you that. 4 games behind on August 1st has that "insurmountable" feeling when it's to the Yankees.
2001: [07] - [06] - [05]